Anyone who knows me well, knows that if there’s one thing I believe in this world above all else… it’s soulmates.
Now I know the belief that soulmates exist are the popular opinion of only a handful of people, but whether you believe in this cosmic wonder or not, I think what we can all agree on is at the end of the day, 99% of the population are searching for love.
It’s why reality shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette are so popular. In this crazy world we live in, to have that one special person who is your best friend, your crush, your smile in the morning and your blanket at night, brings a sense of comfort and happiness that deep down, we all crave on some level.
Love is a topic I’ve avoided writing about for the longest time, even though it’s at the centre of who I am. Why? Because it’s so subjective. What I believe when it comes to love will be so different from what perhaps you believe, your friends believe, even your family. But as I sit here with so many emotions and thoughts swirling around inside of me, for my own therapy, I feel it’s time to write it all down.
Now when it comes to love and relationships, I’m certainly no expert. I’ve had good relationships, bad relationships, ones where I have stayed in them way longer than I should have. I’ve witnessed my family and my friends go through their relationship ups and downs and although I’ve witnessed and experienced more bad than good, I still believe in soulmates. Why, some might ask? Well, that’s hard for me to explain. I’m quite a spiritual person and to put it as simply as possible, it’s my gut feeling, a natural instinct rooted deep inside of me, telling me that there is one person out there that I am meant to be with for the rest of my life. And yes, guys often freak out when they hear this from me. Lol.
But I also believe in friendship soulmates, because love comes in all shapes and forms and I do think that you can have a romantic soulmate, just as much as you can have a bestie soulmate.
And speaking of besties, mine recently raised the question “I believe I’ve found my soulmate, but why isn’t the relationship always easy?” My answer… relationships are never one hundred percent smooth sailing. But when you’re with that person you’re truly meant to be with, any obstacle, any disagreement, you’ll always get through it and you’ll come out the other side stronger than ever.
Just because you love someone and they love you, doesn’t mean you stop trying. It doesn’t mean you become complacent and take for granted that they’ll always do the dishes, or be there waiting when you decide you have time for them. It means planning date nights well into a marriage, it means taking the time to listen to their wildest dreams and their everyday stresses. It means making your relationship a priority so you never lose that spark.
For me, when it comes to your soulmate, I believe that spark will always be there. But that doesn’t mean that that spark stays fully lit the entire time.
Being the spiritual person that I am, I am huge on the five love languages and if you don’t already know about them, or know what yours is… then I highly recommend you taking a few minutes to complete this quiz.
My love language is predominately physical touch and quality time. These are vital to me in a relationship and when your partner is unaware of your love language or their love language is different to yours, well it can take some navigating to meet the needs of both parties.
I had a friend recently whose love language is quality time but her partners is words of affirmation. He would tell her all the time how much he cared for her yet she was still feeling disconnected from him. This is because he was delivering his love language to her, opposed to her love language. So just because you love hearing compliments and encouraging words, doesn’t mean it’s as important to your partner. Maybe they just need a hug or uninterrupted conversation time with you. So take the time to find out your partners love language (and yours), because even soulmates can have opposing ones.
At the end of the day, I do believe that true love exists. I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t. But I believe to make that love work, it requires open communication, vulnerability and always having fun together. We often share parts of who we are when we’re in a relationship, but have you ever truly shared 100% of yourself? For me, I have yet to let someone completely in and that’s when I feel like I’ll know when I’ve met my soulmate. When I am comfortable enough to be completely myself. The fun me, the romantic me, the serious me, the silly me, the stubborn me, the stressed me and the caring me.
When I look at who I am as a person, I’m pretty open and honest. If you ask me something I’ll tell you exactly what’s on my mind without any filters. I’ll share deep parts of me which is what I find a lot of people struggle with. Opening up completely. This, I’ve never had a problem with because I crave that deep connection. What I do struggle with, is letting my playful and silly side out. I’ve never felt safe enough with someone to be myself in this way. Maybe it’s because they haven’t been able to match my playfulness, or maybe it’s because they’ve never let me fully in to who they are, that I don’t feel they’ve earned that part of me. Whatever the reason, I do feel that this is what true love should be. What having your soulmate by your side should be.
It should be a space where you can be one thousand percent unapologetically yourself. With no fear of judgement, just the warmth of that other persons love. So whether you believe in soulmates, true love, fairytale romances, or none of these at all. I hope that whoever you end up with, that you can be yourself. That you don’t have to hide parts of who you are, and equally, you allow them to be themselves too. Because that’s what love is at its core. It’s care and trust as we embrace one another to bloom to our fullest potential.
Love and kindness, Nerissa x